"If I die young, bury me in satin.Lay me down on a, bed of roses.
Sink me in the river, at dawn.
Send me away with the words of a love song."
I suppose its about time that I tell all of you the story of Meaghan.
My Meg was just 20 years old when she died. Monday, August 29th, 2011, my Meg was just...Gone. My mommy, my closest friend, my sister, my mentor. The story from my point of view is lacking. Nothing in comparison to the P.O.V. that her family is going through. But this is what I know, what I've lived through, the week I've had.
Day One: Monday.
A normal day. Hadn't talked with Meg since before she went on vacation. I regret that. But I had been to Mock Trial that night, and expected to see her there. I had even brought my empire outfit to receive her seal of approval. But she wasn't there. Her mom said she was sick, and since she had been out for the past week sick, I guess none of use gave much thought to it. That night, at 1:08 a.m., I got a call from Hannah T. A call that I missed. I missed it because I was stupidly watching the Late Late Show. But Han left me a voicemail. Now if you know me, then you know that I NEVER check my voicemail. But for some reason, that night I decided to (I guess a phone call after midnight can do that to you). And I heard...Oh God, what I heard.... "Hey girl...Meg...Meaghan...um...was feeling sick tonight and they took her to the hospital. But...she...she didn't make it. Meg passed away, Zae. If you have any questions just call me back okay? I just didn't want you to find out on Facebook. I love you." That message is permanently burned into my brain. Her voice was so shaky. I didn't believe it at first. You know how in the movies, they always ask the person to sit down before they give them the bad news? I never got that. But now I do. Because if you don't sit down, you fall down. Hard. You start shaking all over, and your legs just...Give way. Like they aren't there anymore. I'll never forget the first time I said it out loud. I walked downstairs to tell my mom.
"Mom...." I guess my face gave something away.
Silence for about 2 minutes. She didn't say anything.
"Meaghan...Meagan's dead."
I never want to feel that ways again. Openly admitting to yourself and the world something like that, is like accepting it. Taking defeat. And I was NOT ready to give up on hope yet. After explaining that I knew nothing to my mother, I called Hannah back. We only talked for a few minutes, discussing what we both didn't know, and wondering how we were going to get in touch with out Mock Trail coach, Scott, and his wife, Michelle, who were both stuck in the middle of the Caribbean. After hanging up with Han, I can honestly say that all I remember is combing though Facebook for anymore information, and finding none. The rest of the night was a blur.
Day Two: Tuesday.
Nothing really happened that day. We got more information. The medical examiner was performing some tests, none of which were conclusive yet. We found out some more events that had taken place Monday night. Meg was only in pain for a few hours before God called her home. She died en route to the hospital in the back of her family's car. They had stopped at a fire station to try and get help when she stopped breathing. Her dad said that the doctors thought she died of either lymphoma or possible leukemia. They didnt know for sure yet. I had yet to cry by this day, but on my way home from the grocery store, I made the horrendous mistake of turning on the radio. "If I Die Young" was playing, and I lost it. I had to pull over. I was crying too hard to even distinguish the yellow lines and the white ones.
Day Three: Wednesday.
This was the day we finally found out the diagnosis of her death. "She was a victim of a very rapid, all inclusive form of leukemia that overwhelmed her body. It was literally in every part of her including lungs, heart, liver, spleen and even into her bone marrow. We are so blessed that the Lord took her home. But we are also so thankful that since this was not known and undiagnosed, and that she did not have any symptoms, that she was able to live the final days and weeks enjoying life as she always did and that we as a family were able to spend this last summer traveling and enjoying her company. We also have been told that even if we had known and diagnosed this condition in the last month, that it would not have made a difference because the outcome would most probably been the same. God is so good to keep her strong and vibrant these last months so that she could live the remaining time as only Meaghan would have done." We also found out the times and places of her viewing, graveside, and celebration of life this day. Communication was finally made with Scott and Michelle, who wouldn't be able to make it home until the following Sunday.
"And I'll be wearing white, when I come into your kingdom,
I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger."
Day Four: Thursday.
The day of Megs viewing. It was surreal, almost. I wore my 4 inch heels she loved, and fought for me to be able to wear them in trial. She had a matching pair. I was immediately greeted upon arrival by Josh, Meg's older brother by just 13 months. He had taken it hard. So many flowers...So much sadness. And so much joy. Megs dad, Pat, has a very strong faith. He loved his little girl so much. He was laughing and telling stories about his beautiful daughter. The love a father has for his daughter is amazing. So different that the love a mother has. Both equal, just different. Theresa...When you hugged her, you could feel her pain. I didn't know such pain could exist. And Seth...Oh Seth. Megs 15 year old brother. They were so close. I'm not entirely sure how he's taken it. He seems like the same old Seth, laughing and joking. But every now and again, you can see a shadow cross over his face. And just for a second, you can see all the pain in the world showing through. I gave him more hugs than anyone in the world that night. I can't take Megs place, nor will I ever try. But I can try and love you as much as she did, though I'll fall sadly short. No one had a heart like Meaghan. No one can love like Meaghan could. I finally walked into the room that held her open casket. She looked so...I cant even describe it. Sad isnt the word, but neither is content. Somewhere in the middle.Like she had a secret that she couldn't tell anyone. And she never got to do so many things...But she's living out her dreams in Heaven right now. I know she is.
"So put on your best boys, and I'll wear my pearls.
What I never did is done."
I can't write anymore tonight. Tomorrow, I'll post about Friday. Its the longest, and will take the most effort.
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