Monday, June 27, 2011

The Strong, the Weak, and the Triumphant

"I live to succeed, not to please you or anyone else."
  - Marilyn Monroe


People always ask me why I constantly wear black. My answer is very simple: Black is the color for power and success.

In all the big cities (London, New York City, Boston, etc.), you see black everywhere you turn. People, garbed in black.

All over the world, at this very moment, executives, C.E.O.'s, and capitol big-wigs are making decisions that have the power to change the world as we know it today. Those people hold that power. Someday, I too want to hold that kind of power and responsibility.

They say that in life, the weak are weeded out, and only the strong will prevail. May I just say, I have quite the experience with going through trials and test, and coming out even strong than before. Take, for instance, starting to look for colleges. I. Am. Terrified. Because not only do you have to write admissions essays, visit the campus, and have interview after GRUELING interview, you have to take the monster of all tests. The A.C.T.  


I get goosebumps just thinking about it.


I've always been a really good test taker. I love tests, and the adrenalin rush you get from them. But the A.C.T.... That's a bit much even for junkies like me. But with each practice test, you get a little bit smarter, a little bit better, and a little bit more confidant. 


But we weren't talking about that silly ole test, now were we?


With success, comes power. With power, comes responsibility. With responsibility, people crack under pressure and become nutcases.  And people who become nutcases end up in a straight jacket. So the moral of the story is this: Discover if you can handle the pressure at a young age, because If you become a nutcase at 16, you can just blame it on the hormones.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

I Refuse To Live As A Hater

 Today, I witnessed something truly amazing.

Walking down the street, in no special place or part of town, I saw to guys holding hands.

It was one of the bravest gestures I've seen in a long time.

From across the street, there was a young couple, about college level, doing the same thing. Walking and holding hands. The male half (of course) of the young couple suddenly find the need to shout something entirely uncalled for, and totally inappropriate.

"Hey you fags, why don't you go get a room so we don't have to see you sin!"

And with that, his girlfriend (I'm assuming, I didn't actually talk to them) whirls around, and promptly smacks him right across the face with such force I wasn't aware a little size 2 blonde could muster. She then turns and walk to the two guys holding hands and starts talking to them very animatedly, most likely apologizing for her ape of a now ex-boyfriend.

It was one of those moments when you suddenly regain some of that hope you had lost for mankind. I smiled a bigger smile than I had in a long time. For once, someone other than myself was taking a stand.

Now, if you know me and have actually taken the time to sit down and talk with me (not at me, mind you), then you should know my personal views are very open. I'm a no-judgement zone here. So, yes I'm very pro-gay rights. No, I myself am not a lesbian.

Just because I don't condemn people to hell for what they believe and what they do, doesn't mean I'm a devil worshiping pagan, either. I just don't think that its something they have any control over. If God wanted them to be straight, I think He would have made them straight. I don't believe its a choice. It's who they are, and you cant change your genetic make-up.

In the past, I have had very long drawn out discussions about my beliefs. I've had bible verse after bible verse thrown at me, all about how homosexuality is a sin. And I get that you were brought up to believe that its the biggest sin you could ever commit, and you would be going straight to hell if you even condoned it. But since most of these people who are such homophobes are taught their entire lives to BE homophobes, I don't think they ever really look into the topic much. If they did, they would see that most of the verses they're throwing around to uphold their beliefs are taken entirely out of context. I wont get into them, because if I did, this post would be longer than any other, but I will post a link to an enlightening site I found recently dealing with homosexuality and life in the church. Its written by a pastor who, is indeed, openly gay. You can find it here.

The thing that really gets me sometimes is this: Just because you're against homosexuality, doesn't mean you have to constantly talk about it. I mean really, the fact that you CONSTANTLY call people fags, or call their actions "gay", just makes you look like the worlds biggest douche. So please, please stop saying "It's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve", because being a hater doesn't make you straighter.

The people that you call "fags" every time you get the chance have feelings. They know that the majority of the human race are too set in their ways and unwilling to change in order to accept them for who they are, but you know what? They do not care. They still have to guts to go out and face you people who make it your life goal to ridicule them for who they were born as.

And as much as you like to think so, not everyone hates on them like you do. Some of us are open-minded and accepting of people who arent like us. We don't feel the need to hear the sound of our own voices day in and day out, saying crap about those who are different. Prosecuting them, abusing them mentally, emotionally, and sometimes even physically for who they are.

I bet you kick puppies too, don't you?

So do the world a favor, and keep your opinions to yourself. You don't see me standing on a soapbox, proclaiming my views on a daily basis, do you? No. I keep them to myself until I feel a need to stand up for myself, and my views.

I just wish you could extend the same courtesy.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Changes in the Fishtank of Life

 Have you ever looked at the bottom of a fishtank? I mean really looked, past all the beautiful fish swimming about, at the bottom.

The disgusting, yucky, fish poop-filled bottom.

Gross right?

But then you look at the middle,  and you're reminded why there even is a fishtank in the first place. Because its beautiful. The various species of sea life, all in one little tank.

Clown fish, sea anemones, rocks, and various plant life all contained in one tank. A miniature ocean, with thousands of different organisms being represented in one place. Its amazing.

Much like life, everything about a fishtank appears beautiful at first glance. Colorful, serene, calm. But as you take a closer look, you see whats really going on. Its disgusting. Its nasty. And its life. You just have to learn to clean up after yourself, and move on. It takes time, tears, and a lot of work.

Just know that when you set your mind to it, you can and will do anything. Because you're capable of anything. You are stronger than anything life throws at you. You'll make it through. It will get better. But don't live in remorse. You're decision is yours, and you should stick with it. Once you cross the border of Mexico, its a lot harder to get back than it was to get there (especially if you were in the back of some crazy persons car, but thats another story for another time).

In water, fish are very graceful. Gliding along on the bottom on the beautiful Briney sea, they're almost majestic-like. But the moment you take those fish out of water, they become a flopping mess. No longer the graceful creatures we saw beneath the surface, but shown for what they really are. A fish.

If you leave a fish out of water for too long, it will die. The only way to save it is to put it back. Back into its natural habitat is the only place it will survive. A fresh water trout will not survive in the ocean, much like a sea bass wont survive in a river or pond.

Now why am I teaching Fish 101? Not because I actually know the difference between a bass and a trout, but because it makes for one heck of an analogy. When you're a fish taken out of water, you die. End of story. But when you're a human and things abruptly change, you can adapt. You can survive. You may think that it'll break you, but you know that in the long run, its for the better. It makes you stronger.

Change is a good thing. It makes us stronger.

Development is a good thing. It makes us wiser.

Progress is a good thing. It takes us father.

But in order to move forward, sometimes you have to look back. Look back on your past, and assess the damages. Why dont we do that now? Go on, revist you past. I can wait....

What about this crazy weather we've been having, huh? Its like the desert. Cold at night, boiling humidity in the day. And baseball. Baseball season, eh? Yeah...Baseball.

I have a lot of boxes in that rift....
....Okay we're back. Did you do it? Did you revisit your past? What did you find? I found all my mistakes, my bad memories, and burned bridges. Now that you've found all those, put them in a box. And shove that box in the deepest, darkest place you can find. Your closet, under your  bed, in a rift in the time-space continuum....You get the picture.

The point I'm trying (and hopefully succeeding) to make here is this: Out of sight, out of mind. You shouldn't still be kicking yourself for that mistake you made yesterday, anymore than the one you made back when you were in the 6th grade. Because to eff-up is human. We're supposed to screw everything up to the point to where we think we'll never see the light of day again, because we've dug our grave THAT DEEP. But then, something happens. And miraculously, we fix it all. Maybe not back to the way it was. Maybe worse. Maybe better. But things can be fixed.

There comes a time in everyones life, when you have to let go of your past. Of all the baggage you've got stowed away in that overhead compartment, so much so, that the air marshals are planing a take-down. What people so often fail to see, is that by holding on to all that baggage, it's just slowing you down. It's taking away from all the joy you could be having. It's suckling away at your life source, and killing you, bit by bit. To there comes a time when you must loose it in customs, and pray to God that the airport doesn't return it 6 years later.

What was I talking about again? I got too caught up in the analogies.

Oh yes, the baggage.

Cut off the dead arm. It's no longer helping you. Its a hindrance. Once you do, you'll be free. Nothing will be able to hold you back. The world is your oyster. Find that pearl. And so forth.



Monday, June 6, 2011

Bathrooms, Breaks, and British Accents

 What is it about British accents that we as Americans find so appealing? Is it just because its different, or because its sexy and mysterious? I think its just because its so damn cool sounding.

But hey, thats just me.

This past week, I decided to preform a little "experiment", I suppose you could call it. I was visiting a new church with a friend, and was feeling adventurous. So for the entire evening, I spoke like a Brit. Now, the entire congregation (or at least the ones that we're lucky enough to get to talk to me) thinks I was born and raised in Manchester, England, and that I moved to the states in the 7th grade.

I know, I know. I'm horrid human being, and I'm going to burn in hell for lying in a church. But I and proud to say, I made it safely home without God smiting me. No lighting, no ninja throwing stars, no nothing. I'm still very much alive.

But it was all for the sake of science. Wait no, that's a lie...It was all in the name of good fun. No one got hurt, and everyone got a good kick out of it. Besides, I'm a very convincing liar. Not that its something to be proud of, but it surely does come in handy. But thats another blog.

The reason I was at this new church was for a friend. A friend who has a classic case of "I really really REALLY like this guy but I cant make myself talk to him." So, after WEEKS of hearing about how wonderful, amazing, and cute this guy is, I finally agree to go with her to MAKE her talk to him. Rachel, the friend, is extremely shy around guys. Why? I have no clue. I do NOT have that problem. I never have. So I figured if I went, she'd finally talk to this guy that she's so very in love with.

Guess what?

She didn't.

I went all the way to CHICKAMAUGA so that she would finally talk to this guy. And then, I cant get her to.  Not only will SHE not talk to him, she wouldn't let me talk to him either. In fact, she wouldn't let me talk to ANY OF THE ENTIRE MALE POPULATION. Why? BECAUSE SHE WAS AFRAID THAT THEY WOULD FALL IN LOVE WITH ME. I mean REALLY? REALLY????? 

So, I wasn't a very happy camper. But on the bright side, I managed to keep up my British facade for the entire evening. It was truly a fantastic accomplishment. I even used all of the British lingo, such as:


  • Across the pond
  • Rubbish
  • Bollocks
  • On holiday
  • And my personal favorite: The Loo.

 So, all in all, it was a very eventful, frustrating, and entertaining evening. And I fully intend on doing it more often.

I, as I'm sure most of you are also, am finally on my summer vacation. And you know what? It. Feels. Fantastic. I've been outside more than anywhere else this past week, doing yard work, tanning (yes, I am a hypocrite, no, I do not care), and playing ultimate frisbee with some of my favorite people on earth. So I'm tan as a gingercake, as my grandmother would say.

What else is summer for? Enjoyment, a break from school, stress, and scheduling, but most importantly, a time just for you. To do what YOU want to do. Summer is when dreams are formed. When wishes come true. For some, it may just be lying around being lazy and getting fat. For others, its a time to get into shape or get a summer job. But for me, its a time when anythings possible.

Between tanning, working, cleaning, exercising, and working on not only my own novel, but starting up a new project with one of my best friends, I may not post as many blogs as usual. That much is evident, I think, by the fact that I haven't updated in about a week or so.

I'll try to post as much as possible, but that may not be very often. So don't worry, I haven't died. I'm just out making my dreams come true.